Dating After Divorce For Women With Children

| January 4, 2013 | 0 Comments

datingDating after divorce for women with children can be challenging. It’s normal to want to go out and socialise again after a divorce, however you have to be considerate of your child’s feelings as well.

Younger children can be clingy and not willing to accept that their mum is seeing new friends. Older children may be happy that their mum is having fun and going out with guys, and even encourage it. Each child is different and may react differently.

How long should you wait before dating again?

The answer is that each case is different. The best thing is to wait until you feel that you have fully recovered emotionally from the break up. This can take a long time, especially if there has been a lot of hurt and resentment between you and your ex. It could take anything from 6 months to 2 or 3 years before you feel ready to start dating again.

You must also wait until you feel that your child has recovered from the loss of their father living with them. Weekend access and seeing their dad during the week can help them accept the situation. They must never feel that you are trying to replace their father. In some cases a child may feel jealous that they are having to share your attention with someone else. This can happen if the two of you have a very close relationship, and your child is used to your undivided attention.

In this situation you have to be firm and explain to your child that while you love him or her very much and will always be there, you do need a life of your own as well. One day your children will grow up and leave home, and you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone.

You may need to get the help of your ex if your child is badly behaved towards your new partner. Throwing tantrums and abusive behaviour is your child’s way of getting attention. It may take time for a child to accept a parent’s new relationship. Never expect them to call your new partner “dad”. Just let the bond between them develop naturally, and in it’s own time.

What do you say to your child when you start dating again?

You could just say that you are meeting a friend for a few hours and will be back soon. This would be suitable for a very young child as you don’t go into any detail. If you have an older child who is between about 7 to 11 years old you could mention that you are seeing a man you met at work and that you are having dinner with him. They may ask you questions about him and even why you want to spend time alone with him, and why can’t they come along as well. You could say that just as they have their friends at school you also have friends at work who you would like to spend some time with.

When should I let my kids meet my new date?

An older teenage child will be more understanding of what dating is about. They themselves may even be dating if they are in their late teens or early twenties. Just remember that you don’t need to ask their permission to start dating, however you must always be sensitive to their feelings. Your child must always come first.

Dating after divorce for women with children doesn’t have to be impossible. What you need to remember though is that they have feelings. Young children shouldn’t be exposed to a long line of men coming into their home. It can be confusing and cause feelings of insecurity. It’s always best to meet your dates away from the home until you find someone that you feel you will stay with long term. You may meet a guy and after a couple of dates want to introduce him to your kids. Be careful though, as unless you are serious about your new man you may cause upset to your child. A young child can form an attachment to your new man, and then suffer devastation and loss after you break up.

It’s important that if you start to develop a relationship with a new man, he must like and get on with your children. They must like him, and he must be happy to take them on. Not all men want kids and problems can arise when your relationship deepens and you live together.

Look out for any inappropriate behaviour

Dating after divorce for women with children is a responsibility. You must be aware of any inappropriate behaviour a man shows towards your child. If you feel concerned that your new man is spending time alone with your child in their bedroom, or that he starts disciplining your him or her even though you told him not to then check him out. Your child’s safety is vital.

Should I tell my ex I am seeing someone else?

Yes you certainly should let your ex know that you have a new relationship with a guy. He is entitled to know that his kids are safe. It would be considerate to introduce him to your ex, just so that he gets to meet the new adult who is sharing his child’s life.

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Category: Dating Advice, Dating Advice For Women

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