Ending A Long Distance Relationship

| April 3, 2013 | 0 Comments

couple at the beachEnding a long distance relationship is the same as ending any other relationship. You must use tact and be sensitive to the other person’s feelings.

Long distance relationships can fall apart for a variety of reasons, but deciding how to tell your partner can be hard.

When to break up

Do you wait until you see him or her in person, or do you tell them over the phone? If you only see each other a couple of times a year that means you may have to wait a long time before you bring up the subject of ending things. In the mean time you may be feeling miserable and unsure of what to do.

In this case the best option would be to arrange a time on Skype or on the phone when you both have plenty of time. Don’t just send an email or text breaking off the relationship as this can be very hurtful. Think about what you are going to say, and even make notes so that you don’t forget. Make sure this is what you really want before you go ahead and tell him or her that it’s over.

If you want to break up when you’re actually together, don’t lose courage and leave it until the last minute at the airport. This can be devastating and leave him or her in a very emotional state.

Reasons for breaking up

Give some careful thought as to why you want to break up. There are many reasons for ending a long distance relationship including;

Falling out of love

If you have fallen out of love, then this is a good enough reason, however if you still have feelings for your partner then think about the obstacles and see if you can overcome them. Money can be a big issue. The cost of air fares can soon mount up and unless you’re in a well paid job you may find it impossible to maintain regular visits.

Lack of trust

Trust is another big issue in long distance relationships. How do you know that he or she isn’t dating someone else while you’re apart? If she or he doesn’t love you as much as you love them, then even in a normal relationship this won’t work

Cultural differences

Long distance loveLanguage and culture can be a barrier if you live on different continents. Unless you can speak each other’s language or understand their local culture you will come up against problems.

Distance

Distance is one of the major issues in keeping a long distance relationship going. If you only see each other a couple of times a year and have no future plans in place then it can become lonely and depressing at times. You may still have some feelings towards your long distance love, but the practicalities of life tell you it won’t work.

Commitment

One of you has to think about selling or renting out your house, leaving your job and family and starting a new life. It can be a huge decision to make. You don’t want to give everything up for your significant other and then discover it has been a huge mistake. It’s a major commitment to make and you have to be very sure before giving up your old life.

What do you say?

Firstly write down your reasons for breaking up, and keep them next to you when you talk on the phone. Approach it in a considerate and sensitive way. Say why you don’t think it will work, and why you want to end the relationship. The chances are you don’t hate him or her, so if you still like your ex suggest staying friends. Explain you’re both free to date other people but you would like to stay in touch. At least this way it’s not a complete break.

He or she may not be surprised and may have seen it coming. You will have doubts if you did the right thing and this is natural.

If you’re not really sure if you want to end the relationship say that you think it’s a good idea if you have a break from each other for a while. During this time you can sort your feelings out and decide if a complete break is what you really want. The downside to this is that he or she may soon find someone else.

What if your partner tries to persuade you to stay in the relationship?

Be prepared for your partner coming up with reasons of why you should stay together. This may make you think about things, and you could end up giving in and agreeing to give the relationship another go. If you are determined to end it you must be firm. Pleading and crying on the phone can be hard to cope with, but you must remain strong.

Avoid communication for a while after the break up. This allows time for emotions to calm down and for you both to start socialising outside of the relationship again. You may worry that you will upset him or her especially if they are really in love with you.

You worry that she or he will sink into a depression. You can’t stay in a relationship for fear of hurting someone as you have your own life to consider. There is nothing worse than being unhappy in a relationship especially a long term one.

Should I try and save the relationship?

If you’re not one hundred percent sure about ending things and you still have feelings for your partner then try and think of ways to make it work. Communicate more with each other and say how you really feel. Share your everyday life with one another and talk about trivial things. This will help to bring you closer again. If you can see a future for you both then start to plan out a time when you will be living together.

If you’re at college for several years and have to wait until you’ve graduated then make plans for when you’ve finished. Meet each other half way and spend some time together at odd weekends if the distance isn’t too great. If you can see a time when you can be together for good then at least you have something too work towards. A couple of years is nothing in a lifetime, and when you are finally together it will be all the more exciting.

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Category: Long Distance Relationships

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