How To Save Your Marriage After You Cheated

| November 5, 2012 | 0 Comments

love affairIf you want to know how to save your marriage after you cheated you will firstly have to decide what made you cheat. There are many reasons why couples cheat including boredom, lack of communication, and feeling undervalued by their spouse. Too often marriages can just drift along with no real direction.

When you’re first married you are excited with so many dreams and plans for the future, however a few years down the line and day to day living takes over.

You spend less and less time together and the only conversation is “who’s turn is it to put the rubbish out”, or “Who is going to pick the kids up from school today”. This may seem a little exaggerated but some couple’s lifestyles are so hectic they barely have time to speak to each other.

Why women cheat.

Women often cheat if they feel undervalued and invisible. If they are lacking emotional fulfillment from their husband this could drive them towards another man. It’s not always about sex and often just finding someone who pays them more attention than you did, or is a better listener can lead to cheating.

If you have cheated on your husband and he’s found out, his initial reaction may be anger towards the other guy. If a man’s pride has been dented it can take a long while to recover.

So how can you mend his pride? Keep letting him know how much you love him and that he is the only one for you. Let him know that this other guy only served to show you how much you have together at home.

Trust After An Affair
Surviving Infidelity In Marriage

Why men cheat
Men often cheat for very different reasons to women. Bordedom, lack of sex, a well needed boost to the ego, or in some cases they just love the excitement of sex with another woman.

If you have cheated on your wife and she has found out, how can you save your marriage? Women tend to react in a different way to men. She will be feeling a whole range of emotions including anger and betrayal. Firstly she will want to know all about the other woman and if she was younger, more attractive and lots of other details.

girl with rosesA woman who has been cheated may take a lot of winning round. You will have to show her how much you love her and don’t be surprised if she checks you email and text messages. Pay her lots of compliments and buy her surprise gifts.

A bunch of red roses is a good start. Showing her appreciation and thanking her for all the little things she does will go a long way to winning her round. Women still love chivalry so doing little things like opening doors for her won’t go un noticed.

Apologise

After your cheating has been found out by your spouse you will have a lot of apologising to do. This will have to done with true sincerity and really meant. If you really love your husband or wife then you will do anything to make them see how sorry you are. Don’t grovel though, or go down on your knees begging for forgiveness as this will make you look desperate. You want your spouse to see that you love them but at the same time you don’t expect automatic forgiveness.

Coming to terms with the affair

If your husband or wife wants some space to think things over, you must give it to them. This is part of the healing process and will help you both to come to terms with the affair.

Save my marriageIt will help to look at things objectively and decide if the marriage is really worth saving. You may well need to forgive yourself as well as being forgiven. Feelings of guilt and even low self esteem can result from having an affair. You can feel as if you don’t deserve your partner’s love anymore and this can have a negative effect on your relationship. Betrayal is something that takes time to get over. It can come as a shock to find you have been cheated on.

Communication

One of the reasons why affairs happen is lack of communication in the marriage. This can cause you to drift apart. You need to talk about what’s important in your life, your dreams and ambitions, as well as anything that upsets or worries you. Ignoring problems and hoping that they will go away is a recipe for a failed marriage. Stop looking for other people to turn to and turn towards your husband or wife for support instead. This way you won’t be so tempted to start another affair in your marriage.

Put the spice back into your marriage

If boredom was one of the reasons you looked elsewhere then you need to address this immediately. Too often marriages can become predictable and dull. You stop trying so hard and sex becomes a thing of the past.

young coupleDay to day life takes over and you hardly get any quality time to spend with each other. You take one another for granted and always expect them to be there. You meet someone at work and there is a spark between you.

The novelty of this new person in your life starts to play on your mind. You feel you can talk to this person and they listen, unlike your partner, who rarely gets time these days. You hide your encounter with this new person in your life and it becomes exciting. Very quickly you develop romantic feelings and an affair begins.

Your marriage must come first

Your marriage is in urgent need of care and has to take priority. Start by thinking back to when you first met and what attracted you to each other. You are still the same person but your values may have changed. Make a date with your partner each week and ensure that you stick to it. Spend the time doing things you both enjoy. Go to the theatre, eat out at a romantic candle lit restaurant, go for a romantic walk at sunset over the park or beach. Take up dancing and enrol on a course. Even just meeting for coffee after work can be fun and make it seem like you are dating again.

Make sure you turn off your mobile phone so that you avoid interruptions. Don’t be tempted to sacrifice your time together for overtime at work, or to go to that football match your friends invited you to. Your relationship is far more important.

So now you know some of the basics on how to save your marriage after you cheated. It will take time and patience to make your marriage strong again, and it won’t happen overnight. Eventually you will get the trust back again and hopefully learned from your mistakes. Just remember why you got together and what attracted you to each other.

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