Why Men Have Emotional Affairs

| May 6, 2013 | 0 Comments

emotional affair signsMany women ask why men have emotional affairs. The answer usually is they are searching for something that’s missing in the marriage. You may be having a great sex life together but there is something that’s not being met, and he has found this “something” with his “special friend”. This may be a co worker, old flame, or someone he has met online.

It could be that you’ve drifted apart over the years and you just aren’t meeting his emotional needs any more. He doesn’t feel that he can confide in you, and his “special friend,” is only too happy to sit down and listen to his problems. So now you need to know how you can save your marriage before it’s too late.

Emotional affairs at work

Emotional affairs in the workplace are all to common. Most men spend a large amount of their life at work and may be working alongside female co workers with who they may share many common interests. Lunchbreaks or drinks after work provide opportunities for co workers to discuss their private lives and any personal problems they may be having. Such friendships can become deeper and have the potential to develop into emotional affairs given the right conditions.

You may have been preoccupied with work or family and neglected to give your husband enough quality time. Although you didn’t intend this to happen he may have felt unloved and craved the emotional support that he wasn’t getting from you.

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He starts sharing secrets with her and they begin to develop a close bond. He doesn’t tell you about his friendship and is secretive about the whole thing. The danger is that the line between an emotional affair and a love affair can be crossed very easily.

What are the signs of an emotional affair?

So what are the signs to look out for and how can you tell if he’s having an affair? Being late home from work on a regular basis, and meeting a friend but not telling you who it is or where he is going is a sign he could be having an affair.

Men don’t usually start out with the intention of having an affair, however a platonic friendship with a woman could shift towards something more intense if he feels for whatever reason that he can’t talk to you. He may have known her for some time but something changes between them and they become closer.

Although an emotional affair isn’t physically cheating, if he is spending more time talking to her then he is with you, then he is cheating in an emotional sense. If he is investing more time and energy with this woman than with you, and sharing his innermost secrets with her, then this is more threatening for your marriage than a purely physical affair or one night stand.

If you start to notice that he is spending less time with you and more time talking on the phone to his “friend”, or on the computer can you do anything about it?

Can you stop an emotional affair?

You can’t stop your husband from seeing this other woman, but you can make him aware of the pain it’s causing you.

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Firstly you could ask him not to spend so much time talking to his female friend. You could even admit that you are concerned that he is becoming closer with her. He may deny this and insist that they are just good friends. The danger is that he may start to become very guarded about his friendship and still keep seeing her behind your back anyway.

You could also check his emails and phone messages to see if there are any signs of an emotional affair or worse a physical affair.


Sometimes a man may fantasise about his female friend imagining that they are having a full blown affair. The idea grows in his head and what was a casual platonic friendship has now become something far deeper. Even if it’s all in his head he is still being unfaithful to you. He may be with you physically but his mind is with her.

Do emotional affairs last?

As emotional affair can last as long as you don’t confront the issues in your marriage and don’t make your husband realise the damage he is doing to your relationship. Ignoring the signs and hoping it will go away is the worst thing you can do. The longer it goes on the closer they become and the harder it will be to save your marriage.

Look at your marriage and see if there are any problems you can identify. Are you spending enough time together as a couple. Do you spend enough time talking to each other? Are you still in love with your husband? Sometimes counselling can help you identify issues, but many couples hate the idea of sharing such intimate information with a third person. However there are online courses and books that claim to help get your marriage back on track.

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